26.12.2014
So unmatchable is the love of Lord. So many treasures of knowledge HE infuses ever which I am not
able to put in words. All emotional sensitivity which has got its own negative side are allowed to let go through life experiences. HE manifested in physical form as Guru & teared off all society created rules giving life to LOVE in its original form. Feeling hurt out of insensitive behaviours … not out of anger but out of compassion questioning within why should we create hell around us…all are made to let go…!
My Guru used to say… in maya do you think that Bhakti alone is good? Everybody is doing HIS job
equally. It is HIS maya .He has kept maya so powerful with which HE plays by drawing souls in & out…! So never blame the children…they are puppets in HIS hands. Only HE is to be blamed because everything emerges from HIM & ultimately dissolves in HIM.
My problem is taking everyone’s difficulties to my heart & being burdened by it. When I am not able to console my heart my Guru’s storming words came. Let go off your compassion. Bring peace within without worrying about outside world. Compassion is part of jnana not the whole. I was stunned. I asked without it I feel I am hard hearted? My guru explained…Have you seen people making palm jaggery. In semi-liquid form is it usable? Once it becomes hard jaggery is usable. Does it mean that it has lost its sweetness?. You retain your own sweetness. Be in it!
Everything is HIM. Jnana requires strength of mind which my Guru insists often . He used to say Be Bold! Move on. You may hear a loud bang. Never stop & look back. Jnana is only for the strong..the moment you are caught into weakness, maya will crash you down twisting and turning you amidst its powerful waves! Be knowledgeable. Grace shines through your intelligence! Catch hold of it!
To my wonder I am in surrender & Bhakti , the Lord reacts and bring answers for each & every thought which arises within. My guru is none other than narayana who had drawn me in madhurya bhava. For melting heart the Lord comes & infuses jnana the ultimate. Love is so powerful in its pure form attracting the supreme intelligence to fill it.
I had seen it acts even in most external worldly level protecting the divine heart. I had seen even amidst corporate violence it works so beautifully to bring peace within. In the path of surrender the Divine guides us in each & every step even though we are deep in ignorance not knowing the ties within!
You know a sannyasi coming to my home attracts critics but each and every visit of my Guru happens neither by my will nor HIS will but the divine will. He never visits houses even if devotees long for. He used to say….this self is directed by HIM. He had tied me. I could come only if HE allows.
Before navrathri I was not in a mood to celebrate… I was lamenting Krishna you are the head of this
house …you are my all ..Param purusha . Without physical presence of Head of this house there is no point in celebration.
To my wonder my son while calling up my Guru ..was calling him to Chennai. Guru refused…! My son was persistent saying I will not write the exam(he is in class X) if you do not give me a word. I was telling my son… please do not invite him against HIS will. Jnani’s are so great that we should abide by their will so that blessing will be there for us!. But he didn’t even care for my words… I do not know’ma he may be God to you..but he is my friend. That’s all I know I will call him. He kept on persisting & then my Guru consented to come on third day of navrathri. Next day he called-up saying I am prepared to give ten days to Devi. So book tickets the day before navrathri!.
After everything happened I could realize the power of love drawing the Lord in physical form to fulfill the remote desire of this simple soul.
Again this time during the first day of month of marghazi(Dhanur) I was telling the Lord. All those years I had come to temple to worship you during this month. This time I am going to worship you peacefully at home. Krishna this time You come home to hear my songs! To my wonder my guru called during Christmas asking to book a ticket to Chennai. Reason is HE is near the seashore …the toilet tank was filled by sand & work needed to be undertaken for few days by the devotees. Now HE is with us. Most rewarding is the LORD is here on Vaikunda Ekadasi day in HIS physical form!
You know I had so many differences of opinions with my Guru. All arose out of conditioning of mind which negates original love giving life to stressful rules. I used to think we should not speak to him at all He represents everything contradictory. He slashes bhakti…! He blames God. I used to pray on the most beautiful form of Krishna by chanting mahamantra telling Him only you I trust!. You know when I cried praying like this once….I got a call from my guru…CC I do not know it is as though something is pulling my heart to you so I called. I was wonderstruck since I had never prayed to the Form of Guru. The same place from where I got all abuses …I was seeing Krishna. It is right that he is called mayavan(magician). I experience it fully. The play is ultimately to infuse jnana. The process of let go is so painful especially with which you carry from your childhood onwards…The thought of good or bad…ugly or pure… God or devil…all bias lying hidden at subconscious level are to be freed!
