Much experiences have passed... out of which what I write down is only 10%. Like a witness I am to the events that happen. Emotions which create untrue & unwanted thoughts....external restrictions our near ones tend to impose.... gracefully my heart looks into the ignorant veils.

For a long time I hesitated to open out the aspect of Guru in my life. It is not that to keep anything hidden...but a fear that how far who read this would receive Him in full. A Jnani is not alone for good...HE is the ocean where both ganges and muddy water gets dissolved. He is not a saint to say...because saints are sattvic and graceful. But a Jnani is one who marries contradictions. Hiranya garbha is the form I met...dreaming Narayana..creator.....sustainer! I haven't been deep into Krishna worship. When at the age of 16 I read Sri Ramakrishna... I took Balamuruha as my favourite God. All through my life... object of my intense love & devotion is Balamuruha. So many poems I wrote on HIM...so many songs of HIM I memorised and my consciousness expanded in the form of a mother...including the whole universe in love.

Ultimately I ended up with Sri Krishna as my Guru....! Strange...but my experiences are as unexpected and as spontaneous as the bloom of a flower. Pure Divine Love is into every atom of my being! It is not that I am so perfect...I have my own limitations...I am into ordinary life...balancing...reconciling the world...at the same time witnessing with wonder what happens within me...in total surrender to the will of my Lord. Divine Love is the pivot of my life.

A will of Lord if it arises no man has the power to stop it...! If HE do not will...no man could give it...! This I have experienced personally and wondered! However worth you are....you are within HIS will...! HE is the ultimate BOSS! No other option than to act the allotted part! You can reconcile and move beyond but cannot resist! This too I have learned after much pain....! With tears my soul begged...please leave me... as Sita pleaded to be with mother Earth than to go with Rama!

Awakening & realisation of the Goddess self within me...! I wondered and browsed the net to find whether it happened in any others life! I found some similar experiences in saints as well as in some others life! I could also see certain websites made it a tool to make lot of money!After every experience I search the net or refer books to confrm whether it is an illusion or whether it is factual represented by any one or in any vedic literature!

Do not think that it is easy to be GOD! HE kills himself to experience life! Most difficult and painful too it is! It is a state which is there as well as not there! It is a position where when all desires are dropped U are filled! Heaven accompanied with hell!

I am here to place all my experiences which all could be equally aware once we move into subtler levels through intense love I feel. All are glimpses of experiences given to me through grace! I do not incline or intend so intense to know! So I am not everytime aware but I am pulled in the flow to observe without judgement!

Will continue...in Divine Love
vishnupriya

Shock of Life....unexpressible....sudden demise of my husband on 22.11.10. A day dawned to receive my rain of tears...! Yes rain flooded even whole of Tamil Nadu! The whole nature cried with me!A person who lived yesterday....no more today. Very difficult to digest....the pain imposed by nature...! Heart shattering and cry of soul....! What is life....? Journey towards death...! Hardest truth which struck us....! What we carry...? Nothing....! Within seconds he is gone in sleep without any pain leaving us in deepest pain.

All I do...breathe..is Divine and our marriage too happened in such a way arranged and blessed by divine! 12 years of married life...! Like a Yagna I lived this life. Yes... my heart wished to raise up a simple egoless selfless soul so neglected just because he is not smart materialistically. Life was so full of thorns with blooming roses amidst. Compared to so smart cunning money minded prestige bound souls...he used to be different! Evaporation of money I had seen in his hands...! He do not take responsibility...aloof...with not much desires...! Very tensed and short tempered that it is very difficult to live with but for his simple and selfless heart I bore everything. He do not do anything for himself even a good dress he is not interested. I used to do everything for him. Not even a trace of ego I found in him. Materialistically he saved nothing...but spiritually he is in surrender. He used to call me Aatha...(mother). More of motherly affection I got that I felt him as a child of me...! I wanted to raise him up before others! All my prayers were for it. He left his body as a king. He was holding top position which most of his own remote relatives were aware of only during his demise. Most of the people have abused him and made fun of him that he would not come up in life. Simple egoless souls are to be raised up...! Lord comes to the world for it! My intention was not to my benefit which others may be unaware...but the Lord knows! Now everything is over!. My karma is finished. 35 yrs of Navrathri celebration right from my childhood has come to an end. No kriyas henceforth...! The Lord is my all...! Indeed I couldn't stop crying...missing my neither egobound...positionbound...moneybound son to say!