Much experiences have passed... out of which what I write down is only 10%. Like a witness I am to the events that happen. Emotions which create untrue & unwanted thoughts....external restrictions our near ones tend to impose.... gracefully my heart looks into the ignorant veils.

For a long time I hesitated to open out the aspect of Guru in my life. It is not that to keep anything hidden...but a fear that how far who read this would receive Him in full. A Jnani is not alone for good...HE is the ocean where both ganges and muddy water gets dissolved. He is not a saint to say...because saints are sattvic and graceful. But a Jnani is one who marries contradictions. Hiranya garbha is the form I met...dreaming Narayana..creator.....sustainer! I haven't been deep into Krishna worship. When at the age of 16 I read Sri Ramakrishna... I took Balamuruha as my favourite God. All through my life... object of my intense love & devotion is Balamuruha. So many poems I wrote on HIM...so many songs of HIM I memorised and my consciousness expanded in the form of a mother...including the whole universe in love.

Ultimately I ended up with Sri Krishna as my Guru....! Strange...but my experiences are as unexpected and as spontaneous as the bloom of a flower. Pure Divine Love is into every atom of my being! It is not that I am so perfect...I have my own limitations...I am into ordinary life...balancing...reconciling the world...at the same time witnessing with wonder what happens within me...in total surrender to the will of my Lord. Divine Love is the pivot of my life.

A will of Lord if it arises no man has the power to stop it...! If HE do not will...no man could give it...! This I have experienced personally and wondered! However worth you are....you are within HIS will...! HE is the ultimate BOSS! No other option than to act the allotted part! You can reconcile and move beyond but cannot resist! This too I have learned after much pain....! With tears my soul begged...please leave me... as Sita pleaded to be with mother Earth than to go with Rama!

Awakening & realisation of the Goddess self within me...! I wondered and browsed the net to find whether it happened in any others life! I found some similar experiences in saints as well as in some others life! I could also see certain websites made it a tool to make lot of money!After every experience I search the net or refer books to confrm whether it is an illusion or whether it is factual represented by any one or in any vedic literature!

Do not think that it is easy to be GOD! HE kills himself to experience life! Most difficult and painful too it is! It is a state which is there as well as not there! It is a position where when all desires are dropped U are filled! Heaven accompanied with hell!

I am here to place all my experiences which all could be equally aware once we move into subtler levels through intense love I feel. All are glimpses of experiences given to me through grace! I do not incline or intend so intense to know! So I am not everytime aware but I am pulled in the flow to observe without judgement!

Will continue...in Divine Love
vishnupriya

Shock of Life....unexpressible....sudden demise of my husband on 22.11.10. A day dawned to receive my rain of tears...! Yes rain flooded even whole of Tamil Nadu! The whole nature cried with me!A person who lived yesterday....no more today. Very difficult to digest....the pain imposed by nature...! Heart shattering and cry of soul....! What is life....? Journey towards death...! Hardest truth which struck us....! What we carry...? Nothing....! Within seconds he is gone in sleep without any pain leaving us in deepest pain.

All I do...breathe..is Divine and our marriage too happened in such a way arranged and blessed by divine! 12 years of married life...! Like a Yagna I lived this life. Yes... my heart wished to raise up a simple egoless selfless soul so neglected just because he is not smart materialistically. Life was so full of thorns with blooming roses amidst. Compared to so smart cunning money minded prestige bound souls...he used to be different! Evaporation of money I had seen in his hands...! He do not take responsibility...aloof...with not much desires...! Very tensed and short tempered that it is very difficult to live with but for his simple and selfless heart I bore everything. He do not do anything for himself even a good dress he is not interested. I used to do everything for him. Not even a trace of ego I found in him. Materialistically he saved nothing...but spiritually he is in surrender. He used to call me Aatha...(mother). More of motherly affection I got that I felt him as a child of me...! I wanted to raise him up before others! All my prayers were for it. He left his body as a king. He was holding top position which most of his own remote relatives were aware of only during his demise. Most of the people have abused him and made fun of him that he would not come up in life. Simple egoless souls are to be raised up...! Lord comes to the world for it! My intention was not to my benefit which others may be unaware...but the Lord knows! Now everything is over!. My karma is finished. 35 yrs of Navrathri celebration right from my childhood has come to an end. No kriyas henceforth...! The Lord is my all...! Indeed I couldn't stop crying...missing my neither egobound...positionbound...moneybound son to say!

PRAYER OF SURRENDER

What all I do in silence the lord observes!

I am neither bound by my actions nor bind others with my action!

I am into the stream of life placing my heart at the centre in Lord!

What all disturbs me are outside whereas my inner santuory Heart is the abode of the Supreme Lord!

What all I get is HIS wealth anf I am a mere trustee!

Either Loss or Gain it is HIS & I am ready to loose everything in HIM!

unbounded is HIS love...that...HE offers this whole Universe unto us!

Not a single problem unanswered...perceive...HE has become Everything!

In HIM alone I bloom, for HIM alone I live, with HIM alone I dissolve!

Expression of Divine Love

Love of God is so perfect that it brings right things at right time! You know we went to Tirupathi a month before when my brother too accompanied & he wished to offer hair to the LORD.When he expressed this a desire arose in me ok! let us also offer HIM Poomudi( hair cut at the tip). But because of lack of time we were not able to fulfill it. I forgot that totally because I didn't make it a promise to do. My husband & my brother went for collecting laddus, I just stepped out of the car and was waiting out viewing the beauty of the temple. Someone behind me in seconds, just shook my hanging hair behind .With anger I just turned behind to fire the person when I saw a boy around 20 yrs old walking away without any expression and I could see by his face that he is mentally retarded! I cooled down and then it struck to me ...Oh the Lord reminds me of the offer! And a week after that on 3rd August my husband took his superiors for Dharsan and I too expressed my wish to join. He said ok you come by bus straight to the Hill after attending office.

I wanted to offer the hair of my son too. We reached the Hill by 11.30 PM. My husband received me and he took us to the place where hair is to be given. My husband used to be very tensed and he wanted everything to happen quickly. My son was half asleep...hurriedly my husband woke up those who slept already and asked them for hair cut. I was just a bit worried because Poomudi is normally given after wrapping the tip of hair by flower which I was not prepared for. But in urgency everything was happening and I recited Govinda Govinda as instructed and hair was offered. When I just took my hair in front to see how much hair was cut I noticed the big red rose kept in the rubberband which I tied in the tip. Yes actually it has come from the Lord.In the morning before going to office I visited Tirupathi Devasthanam temple nearby and I got the flower kept at the HEART of the Lord which is very rare because normally we don't get flower prasad directly. And never I used to keep flowers at the tip and that day since I had some flowers already on my head I searched for a place and then tied it around the tip. See how beautifully and perfectly Lord expresses His Love.

And that day I bought three four dozens of bangles.After returning to Chennai I asked my home assistant to take whatever colour she desires and also I gave to the woman who used to give flowers to me. I asked them to keep one dozen bangle for me after taking their desired colours. I totally forgot about it too.

On 8th August being a Sunday we went to buy a saree for me for my birthday today...in Sri krishna at T.Nagar. I am not much into saree selection just I took one peacock colour saree and we were back home.

To my wonder it exactly matched the bangle I got from Tirupathi (see photo) even the design colour combination... everything reflecting the beautiful gift of LORD! When I showed it to my home assistant she was excited Akka really U R gifted ..the LORD specially cares you. I said ...No the LORD specially cares everyone of us which we are not aware and receptive. Subtle are HIS ways and if only we place our heart in what all we do we receive HIM in full Love!

Life is miraculous!

As Sri Ramakrishna says...God is a Kalpataru..no doubt about this! All you wish manifest beautifully! I was saying to my Guruji....Swamiji I am afraid....even small small things...if a thought arise within me it manifests! It is as though I am under a wish-fulfilling tree! I feel if by chance negative thoughts rise...like a story a of a man getting everything he wished sitting under a kalpatharu got swallawed by a tiger by thinking will a tiger come & swallow me.. I am afraid if negatives too manifests...!

It happened like this! normally I rarely watch T.V. in my house because after working with computers all through the day I do not want to strain my eyes. On Independence day there was a Tamil Movie telecasted"Peranmai" I was watching it....so thrilling...and suddenly I remembered having read about it somewhere in a magazine that how the shooting was done in the forest area and how they encountered with blood sucking leeches....A thought arose in me...I have never seen such leeches....how it would look like...?

You know a day after that I got some vegetables,fruits & spinaches from the market and my Home Assistant when she was segregating it pointed out a leech...see see akka if it sticks it will never leave without sucking the blood! I jumped the other side! It was black with half white bottom which I saw first time in my life! There is no way we could see it in the city. God save ....I didn't think how it would be if it bites!

Varalakshmi Pooja

Relish the Pooja!



Sometimes intense living does not need any words to express! So the Gap...fully relishing life! Our ancestors are really great having artistically tasted life in all aspects! The pooja when we really involve ourselves unfolds beautifully as a celebration of divine love! Goddess Mahalakshmi...beautiful & intense sattvic energy...the Divine Heart... manifests when you invite HER with love and everything that happens will be a miracle!. I started this Pooja with intense love to do it and carried away by the energy..it is as though the pooja happening spontaneously without effort! One of my Flat neighbour expressed...you do it methodically unlike others...to which I replied...I never know any method...what all I love to do I do!Really Intense love draws the divine like a magnet! It is all powerful!



And to my Home Assistant( I am not comfortable in calling any one as servant maid because all are servants to Divine alone) I said...never expect anything from me..but with intense devotion if you pray it will manifest because I keep this house as a temple of LORD! You know she was desiring to get a gold mangalsutra for one gram and in one of the house where she was working, the lady got her on Varalakshmi Pooja day came to our house and gave it to her after keeping it in front of the Goddess. She was overwhelmed with this event! This is not a miracle to say...life itself is miraculous which we are unaware! Not very big penance nor chanting mantras nor performing austerities & rituals which gets us near to God. But simple love...childlike love...complete surrender...it is more than enough! Live in HIM! Nothing is impossible. Iam just a householder with a kid living very ordinary life! When even I could experience the miraculousness of life...it is possible for each and every one of us!





You know I started this pooja with a eversilver kalasa...Next year my mother gave me a small brass kalasa ..with which I performed pooja! Next year there was Kumbabishekam in the nearby temple and I had a dream of giving money for it. I gave money for kumbabishekam and I got a kalasa from them it is big brass kalasa! Next year without my knowledge my husband gave for Paal kudam...(Milk) to one of Sakthi temple from where came a big copper kalasa. Everything spontaneously arrived at right time and now I keep silver kalasa! And you know the very first time when I performed the pooja with intense love I invited only two three people.I had bought eight blouse bits thinking of offering it to Ashta Lakshmis'. And to my wonder eight women came including unexpected people... not one more or one less and I could feel the real blessing of the Goddess!



No word could fill this page fully and I could keep on writing but let me have a stop...! Perform even a simple thing with intense love and devotion....which alone takes you face to face with the CREATOR!

What we are now is created by us either consciously or unconsciously through millions of years of evolution! Nature has the tremendous power to supply our genuine wishes. But alas! We seek externally in vain through the strong walls of mind created blocks....breaking our heads! Dive deep to realise the divine within which is the only way to solution! Otherwise no option is left in our hands when the nature pulls us from within through death! Unconsciously we go....!

Today is a blissful day...I woke up with the vibrating slokas from within...Sri Rama Rama Ramethi ....from Vishnu Sahasranama three times( It has been said reciting this sloka alone gives the benefit of reciting Sahasranama) & Kayenavacha manasendriyaiva...Narayanayethi samarpayami( meaning ..I surrender everything to Sri Narayana)

I was wondering why this sloka flow within me. I woke up to see the calender if it is a special day...! Yes. it is so...It is Sarva Vaishnava Ekadasi as it is written in the calender. So full of love I bought cute little orange roses and tied it along with Krishna Tulsi and carried it to the Lord at Tirupathi Devasthanam Temple near my office. So beautifully it decorated the chest of the Lord carrying my love.

It is not new to me. It happens often that if some special day is there lord reminds me of it...! Such is the Love of Lord which carries his devotees who has surrendered their all at His Feet.
I realise truly some inner science has been invented by our Rishis and Yogis which we miss amidst the shallow life we live now.

Unless and until I experience myself I never believe blindly in any external rituals.If I feel it in every cells of my being I am for it. Otherwise not.If I am unable to place my heart I never worship merely mechanically.

And one more incident...yesterday while driving vehicle I was just wondering how skitting of wheel would be...because I never experienced it...!Then immediately a thought came over...If it happens you will fall....so don't think like a crack...!

Today while crossing Panagal Park...,small small stones were laid on the turning which really made my vehicle skit...for a second my heartbeat was gone with fear overlapping...but fortunately I didn't fall down..! Thank God! When I lifted my eyes from the road I saw the words... Bible words... "Naan vun munnae chentu konalanavaigalai chevvai cheivaen"...meaning I will go before you and make good all cranky things on the way...!(very bad translation I feel!)
It is an experience of Divine Love which responds beautifully...which I experience day to day...!

DIVINE OCEAN

You wanted to…teach me
More and more tough…lessons!

You came to me as a colleague
Full of jealous within….!
You discouraged….me…
With negative words….!

I was struggling
Within myself….
To be one with you….!

You spoke very softly
Like honey outside…!
But carrying….
Vengeance within….!

Cleverly you executed
Things to your favour
Making people
Believe falsehood…!

I could observe you….
Your face shrinking….
At any good happening to me….!

You projected…..
As though you are
Close to me....
But truly you were….
Far…far…away from me…!

This is something new…
Which I never faced before….!
Even the most
Self-centered souls….
Dissolve in Thine Love…!

I found…truth…..
To be pushed last….
And ridiculed...by people around….!

I searched where I went wrong…
Carrying Thee in my heart…!
I had to fight a lot…within…
To retain your liveliness….!

How come…..
You are in jealous with
Your own soul…..???
I cried within….!

You answered….

My child…
You are swimming hard
To overcome
The waves of jealous…
Repeating itself…..!
You will be tired...soon
Leave it…..

DIVE DEEP…!
YOU WILL SEE THE TREASURES OF
THE OCEANIC LOVE AWAITING YOU…..!

TRANSFER LOVE WITH DIGNITY AND NOT AS AN ALM! THE VERY CREATION OF YOU AND ME ARISE FROM PROFOUND LOVE OF GOD IN FORGETTING HIS ETERNAL SELF TO GIVE LIFE TO OUR SOULS TO ENACT AN ETERNAL PLAY!

While driving a vehicle, in the beginning speedometer is required.But once we know how to drive, it is just an indicator with no meaning attached.Same with life, when we realise the spontaneous flow of creative force, all external definitions stand merely as an indicator & holding on stil... only to the rules or ideals blindly will make life struck to it.

Lust free selfless pure heart ever aware perceives TRUTH without any distortions!
Without pure mind there is no progress even if you get heaven because hell accompanies it!
All austerities....penance...yoga...prayers...done are only tools...not an end in itself!
Better loose the tool for the Ultimate than loosing the Ultimate for the tool!

WORDS ARE NOT WORDS WHEN UTTERED BY A PERSON WHO LIVE UP TO THEM! THEY COME ALIVE!