15.04.2011

Eventhough the Lord affirms through all ways, this missing of people with whom we lived however they may be,creates a vacuum which penetrates the heart. Tears were flowing nonstop at night two days back. I cried to Lord Krishna please say what you… WILL… to do through me. I am here in total surrender. You have taken away everything. One portion of life is over. Now tell me atleast for what purpose you left me in this world. I chanted Maha mantra and went to sleep. Yesterday I called my Guruji since it is Tamil New Year as he has promised to bless me on auspicious days. When I called up some song was going on the other side. Suddenly it stopped and I could hear my Guruji’s voice with tears..Tell me…Will God bargain for tears?( Theivam kanneerukku vilai pesuma?-in Tamil )…Further he continued… our hearts are rooted in God and if our hearts are satisfied He is satisfied. I was struck with no words to speak. It was as though Lord asking me …Do you think I will bargain for your love? .Nothing I need from you except the satisfaction of your heart.

What a magnanimous love. Everything is observed …even our small activities. Nothing is hidden from his eyes. Unmatchable is His grace and Love!

25.12.10

So much of experiences passed by. I would like to write a few today. It is not merely an expression of myself I do. I write this with a longing if it would touch the hearts…the way by which Love guides us to Divine which I live..I really feel blessed. I am not even a dust particle comparable to the Lord’s magnificient love & beauty…! Just matchless is the real love we could receive in manifold from the Lord.

Love & Truth by itself are powerful to the every atom of it…! But even they are nothing before the dreamer I met with. So much resistance was within me to accept the truth I faced.

One beautiful experience I had four years back. It is …I could see the Dark Lord of Thiruvenkadam…the form is one like Formless…It was like waving black cloudlike…features of face are not very sharp… He was fully covered from top to bottom except the formless face which is black…by soft white silk…the every atom of which is me…! It was like only by the hold of the cloth the form was there! It was as though like a drunker wavering and weak… He was caught in it with no option! A year after that when I went to Ramakrishna math I was tempted to take a book… Amrudhanubhava by Jnanadeva without even knowing about it…! I could see the same experience which has been explained as Shakthi in red cloth enfolds Shiva the formless…!