08.08.11

Days pass by but the love of Lord which never fails proves again and again like the untiring waves of the Ocean. You know so many little things which I could never write down in words happen & the miraculousness of events now has become so casual which I should be aware & awake to Truth.

See even in little things HE cares. When I was alone waiting for the Lab report yesterday when I felt lonely thinking of missing tangible presence of my husband , suddenly I got a call wherein my husband’s colleague called me. He was working with my husband & true to say I value his services more than my own brother’s. He asked me where I am since he was just coming to my home, I detailed the reason for which I was waiting. Within five ten minutes he was there , accompanied me to doctor, got the medicines & then left. I was speechless by the way Grace worked because I was praying to the Lord ,anyway this tangible presence I am missing ,if he was there he would have got medicines for me. The moment any longing arises in me HE rushes to fill it. What penance have I done for that? To be at the lap of gracious Divine…! Nothing I desire when HE fills everything! See how grace works. Here I am a tangible proof.

Last Saturday it so happened that I was wearing a red chudidhar. When I was taking out flowers from my fridge to be taken to the Lord, I found a single red Bangalore Rose. A thought flashed for a moment that I could keep it since it matches my dress. Next moment casually I felt no and I took the flower for the Lord along with other flowers.

I used to buy regularly Nagalinga Flowers from a flower selling lady near Sringeri Saradha Math on the way to office. For the past one year I was buying and never I had seen her keeping Bangalore roses. As usual I got the flower from her& hanged it on the hook of my two wheeler. I raised my head to see the lady laughing with a red Bangalore rose & telling keep this flower on your head. Who said you should not keep flowers. Right from our birth we start keeping flowers. Why should we leave it in between?. Have this flower! It matches your dress! I was stunned. It was as though God communicating to me. He gives me personally a flower from HIS heart which no treasures in this world would match!

I wanted to share an experience which happened two months back. Last Navrathri celebration at our home was very vibrant that it manifested in the Prasad as Devi’s hand blessing. I will post the picture of it taken and kept preciously by me. I did Kanya Pooja to kids from my neighbhouring flat treating them as Goddess Lakshmi. They were Vaishnavas. Their grandma an old lady was telling that after taking Dhiksha from our Guru, we don’t go to shakthi temple and take kumkum Prasad. One of my aunt is also strong Vishnu devotee & she never goes to Shakthi temple. I had been brought up in major shaiva worship but it included worship all the Gods. And I was devoted to Sri Ramakrishna who never excluded any religion.

I was awakened by the Lord in the form of Hiranyagarbha as my Guru. After the demise of my Husband I got a small doubt. Everything was over…so with the celebration of navrathri. Does the Lord says that enough is the external austerities performed! Be immersed in me! And it is Devi in the form of Maya who pervades this Universe. Does he keeps me away from Devi worship thereby withdrawing my soul from Maya? But you know while reciting ‘Abirami Andadhi’ the bliss & love we feel…I couldn’t such resist it. Can such a loveful worship be withdrawn? It was not possible for me to keep away from Devi worship. You know when such thoughts pervaded me, I got a call from my Guru. Normally whenever my guru calls we used to chant Hare Rama Mahamantra & nothing else. Not even a single day he asked from me any other thing except a few songs of Vishnu if time permits. That day I started the mantra ,he immediately intervened.CC stop. I want to hear Abhirami Andathi from you. Please sing a few poems of ‘abhirami andhadhi’ and after that finish with Maha mantra. I was in tears. How the Lord reveals the truth….no narrow-mindedness could ever bind ME! And after hearing the poems he uttered…CC I was in ecstasic tears. Henceforth whenever you call me you should sing few songs of abirami andhathi! This is direct from Lord! Supreme is his ABODE. Limitless is HIS grace! Nothing could contain HIM!

One more incident I would like to share. My cousin sister’s son is with us since five months. He got postings in Head Post Office & leaving his MBA he joined over there. That was on one auspicious day I think & at 9 PM I need to call my Guruji. We were speaking and the topic rested on swamiji. My cousin sister’s son asked me what do you think of swamiji? I said….the Lord reveals to me the core of everyone’s heart if needed & the only person who is mysterious is my GURU. I could never grasp him. Even I have difference of opinions with him. I used to argue sometimes. I had received topmost experience of ecstasy & no mind state from Him. I experienced Lord Krishna through HIM! Also entirely upside down experiences I had. I could see in HIM both Ganges & ditch water mingle. Such a contradiction! I could never define HIM this or that. He is full with existence sometimes & totally kills existence other times! Supreme words of Lord emerge from him & worse words of a lay man too. He used to be in ecstasic tears hearing maha mantra or songs of the Lord. At the same time he abuses the Lord!. He keeps mind as the final truth whereas I keep heart as final truth. He is the one great mystery which I couldn’t solve.

I described my guru as above, suddenly I remembered I need to call Him. I said to my sister’s son, ok I will speak to him & after that we all can recite maha mantra to him. The moment I called, my guruji said, CC I was writing a poem…can I read it,,try if you could understand. My Guruji’s poetic tamil used to be like old traditional poets. He read…I am giving just the translation of what he has written addressing the Lord.

” To rule over me , I approached YOU”.

YOU asked “Did you witnessed ME just by approaching me ?

Having left “ I & You” your state of being has become my state of being!(In tamil “Naan Nee Entathai vittathal Vun Nilai En Nilai Anathae”)

It is not the poem he has written to the Lord. It came as a reply to what we discussed! Nothing in this world HE could not hear!.Nothing in this world which HE could not solve!