15.09.11

Days pass by. So many heart touching events which I had taken in a detached mood. Yes even after Lord made me realize the temporarary nature of life, my heart was suffering to recover from the blow of life. I was thinking anyway how hard the life may be,living alone parting a soul with whom I lived meant nothing …! Yesterday again the curtain of maya was in full making me think of all positive things I lost after my husband’s demise. Early morning I had a dream…I was speaking to one of my Husband’s colleague by name Balaji. He is leading a family life with his wife & children. It is as though in dream his wife has died & I am enquiring him how life goes on…the children would get affected more…! Next I was thinking perhaps he must have got a devoted wife & truly very difficult for him to bear. So I asked the next question hesitantly…what nature is your wife? Suddenly he replies in Tamil.I will reproduce the words” Appadi ontum kaaviya vaZhkai naanga vallalai’ meaning “Not like that we lived so great love life”.Immediately I reply. Yes we too like that .So I am able to atleast bear the loss.

See this conversation is as though the Lord educating me. Yes balaji name of the Lord . The life we lived is not so binding since my husband’s nature itself is he is so disinterested in life whereas I am opposite. I place my heart & soul at everything I do. Almost all household decoration or improvement or pooja everything I do without his involvement. And hardly very few places we go out together since my husband is disinterested in going out & only out of my compulsion accompany me.

I used to take positive things to my life forgetting negatives at once. But the Lord is full as a conscious witness & an impartial judge. So he asks me ..have you lived so great a love life to worry unnecessarily?

Why don’t you let go? Behold my Eternal everflowing Love & Grace!

Lord affirms…Lord fills…He rushes as an unfailing power! Yet our weak human hearts held in bondage struggle to accept & respond…! HE waits patiently for us to turn towards HIM! Even after acceptance as a feminine aspect of HIM, this soul suffers out of its own ignorance!